6 Months Dye Free: My Growing out Gray Transition

I am officially six months into growing out my gray hair.

This post is sharing all the highs, lows, struggles, and unexpected blessings of embracing my natural hair!

(P.S. this photo is about 2.5 months into the grow out journey)

This week marks something kind of exciting in my personal life... It has officially been 6 months since the last time I dyed my hair. And for those outside of my inner circle-- that means embracing my natural gray hair. 

I first noticed gray hairs when I was 15 and immediately began pulling them out. But when i couldn't keep up with them, I turned to dying my hair to cover up the gray roots. Over the last couple of years, I have gone back and forth (and back and forth) on growing out my natural hair color. I somehow got swept up in the social media hashtag #silversisters-- and I am soo thankful for it. Woman after woman sharing their beautiful silver hair-- and thousands of women coming alongside them to encourage the journeys of embracing their natural hair. It was so eye-opening to see how common gray hair is-- especially in younger women in their teens, 20s and 30s. Because for a long time, I believed I was the only one. 

This coming year, I turn 30-- and I am honestly so excited to step into a new decade of growth and maturity. But the closer I get, the more I am reflecting on who and what i desire to spend my time on. And I do not want to spend my time, money and energy trying to cover white hair that just keeps coming back. 

After nearly 15 years of dying my hair, I have also kind of stopped loving dark brown hair most of the time. I would get it done and be happy for a couple of weeks, but right around the 3-week mark I began to see my natural color grow out. Then I was stuck unhappy with my hair until my next appointment. 

My Reasons For Going Gray

When I share with people that I am embracing my natural hair color, the first questions I get is “why”— and I understand why it can be confusing for some people. Growing up, we have gotten messages that gray hair equals “old”. And to be frank, our society idolizes youthfulness. That is why the “anti-aging” industry is worth billions of dollars. We want to look and feel as young as we can for as long as we can. So, embracing something that is so strongly associated with aging tends to be a bit counter-cultural.

For a long time, I had those ideas too. If you told me 5 years ago that I would grow out my gray hair before turning 30 I would have told you that your were crazy. So, I understand the questions of why I would start this journey. Here are some of my personal reasons for embracing my gray hair:

Genetics 

Six months into my gray hair grow out. This is right in front of the window with a lot of natural light and it is always so crazy to see how bright the strands are!

I have tested all my micronutrients, I have supplemented zinc and copper and vitamin d. I've minimized my stress levels, eaten a healthy diet, and eliminated many of my common environmental factors. I've searched for any other one of the main causes for premature graying and here's the deal--I am just one of those people with a genetic predisposition to gray hair at an early age. And those genetics come from both my parents. 

For me, my gray hair is here to stick around. 

Living out what I am trying to teach

For those of you who are new around here, I have two young kids. My husband and I try to be intentional about the words my children hear when we speak about our bodies. I want my children to grow up confident in who God created them to be, and never doubt that they were fearfully and wonderfully made-- exactly how they are. Growing out my natural hair has been a process of embracing myself fully-- exactly how I was created. In the last six months I have already seen this effect my confidence, how I view my body, and a deep reverence for just how unique we all are. 

Freedom

For the last 15 years, I have mindfully watched my calendar for events and special occasions. I knew that I would need to schedule an appointment at a hair salon, or pick up a last minute box of dye from the store in time to freshen up my roots. Dying my hair happened on such a regular basis that it was something I felt was always on my mind. 

While that works for some women, and they love the self care aspect of getting their hair done, it just doesn't serve me anymore. I want the mental freedom of not having to think about setting aside time to get my hair done. I want the time freedom of not having to sit in a chair for hours while the dye processes. I want the financial freedom of not feeling like part of my income is tied to something that no longer is fulfilling. 

Health

There is no denying that hair dye is not the best thing for you. Personally, my scalp would itch and burn and be so uncomfortable while getting my hair done, and even for a day or so afterwards. I didn't love the idea of those chemicals being absorbed into my scalp, and subsequently, the rest of my body. 

Saving money

Maintaining dyed hair is expensive. Regular salon visits, root touch-ups, DIY-ing it at home... it all adds up to a lot of money. Even though I am a big proponent for self-care and investing in things that fill your cup, getting my hair done was not one of those things. It felt more like an obligation than something that was filling my cup. I knew there were things I would much rather spend my money on. 

My Experience Growing Out My Silver Hair

You can tell here that my demarcation line is really not that harsh— I attribute that mostly to having my hair stylist use demi-permanent hair dye for months before beginning the grow-out process. 

Like I mentioned previously, I have thought about this for years. And I previously tried to embrace my gray hair only to turn back to the dye. I had a family trip coming up and didn't want white roots in the photos we would all look back on.... and I almost immediately regretted it. That was the last time I dyed my hair. But during that whole time of "thinking about it", I had asked my hair stylist to start using a semi-permanent hair color (aka demi-permanent color). I am so glad that I did this because semi-permanent hair dye gives a much softer line of demarcation.

The first month or two really wasnt that bad-- I felt like the gray hair was not that visible and I could easily hide it my throwing it up in a messy bun. It was around month 3 that I really started to notice it being a lot more visible. This was also around the time that I began to wear a hat nearly every single day. If I had to work in the hospital, I'd pull my hair back or use some root spray to make it a little less obvious. 

I think it was halfway through month 4 that I started noticing more of my natural gray patterning-- and really getting excited about how it would look all grown out. 

And this past month (around 5.5 months in) I got my first comments from others about my new growth-- and both of them were so kind​ and encouraging. I am really grateful that that was my experience and I have not had to navigate negative comments (i'm sure they will come up eventually). 

The Hard Things..

I am not going to sugar coat this and act like it has all been great. It has been kinda uncomfortable and inconvenient -- and it really is forcing me to confront what my identity is in. Here are some of the struggles I have been having:

• line of demarcation - Some people rock this phase of grow out with such confidence. And to be fully transparent-- I am not there. 

• questioning my decision - The first 3-ish months I contemplated dying my hair nearly every other week. Now that I am a little more into this journey, I do not question my decision as often. I feel pretty confident in sticking it out through a full grow out but still have those thoughts occasionally. 

• deciding my plan of action- "Plan of action" makes it sound so serious... but there are some logistics that need to be decided on when growing out your natural hair. Do you grow out your grow cold turkey? Do you have the rest of your hair lightened? Gray blending? Embrace short hair? Pixie cut? There are so many different options and approaches. And honestly, it is all a personal choice depending on what your preference is. 

  Personally, I love long hair and really dont want to do a big chop, so i think I am leaning toward doing a little bit of gray blending to blur the demarcation line. But i also don't want the end of my hair damaged with bleach... so I haven't fully decided that that is my approach. (If any of you have already gone through this and have advice, I would love to hear from you)

• Learning new ways to style my hair - I have always been pretty low maintenance. With all things hair, beauty and makeup, I have always preferred a “less is more” approach. So learning new ways to style my hair while it being two-toned has been a bit of a struggle. Most days, if I am being honest, it ends up under a hat or on top of my head 😅

The Unexpected Benefits Of Embracing My Natural Hair

I remember being a few months into growing out my hair when my daughter all of a sudden gasped and said “mama, your hair”. That was the first time she ever said anything about my hair and I assumed I was going to have to explain to her why my hair was turning lighter. But instead, she immediately said, “You’re an ice queen. You’re turning into Elsa”. It was at that moment I realized that so much of our experience is in how we choose to view things. I could either be bummed about this process and the discomfort in it all, or I could embrace the unique opportunity to be an ice Queen in my daughter’s eyes. Personally, I can’t think of anything better.

Here are some of the other ways growing out my gray hair has blessed me:

• Confidence - As I said, the first little bit was a serious confidence struggle. While I am still not fully embracing it and rocking it, i do see my confidence growing. I find myself caring less and less about what other people think and being more confident in my own decision. 

• Gray Patterning- Before starting the grow out process, I just assumed that my full head of hair was white. To my surprise, I have so much contrast and various shades! My hairline hardly has any gray hair while some other spots are almost fully white. It has honestly been so fun to see my natural hair and what I have been hiding all these years. It's so much more unique than anything a box of hair dye could ever give you.

• New hair growth- Since ditching the dye, I have so much new hair growth. I have always had really thick hair, so I wasn’t expecting it to grow in thicker and fuller. That has been a really fun surprise!

• Brightening my features- I have blue eyes and I used to think that dark hair was what made them look the best. But over the last few months, I have had so many people comment on my eyes and skin tone-- complimenting how beautiful they are. It has been so sweet. Not necessarily the compliments, but seeing how my natural hair complements my natural features. (It's almost like God designed it that way or something!) 

• Gray Hair is a bit of a chameleon- Depending on the lighting, how recently I have washed my hair, what color I am wearing, and about a dozen other things effect how my hair looks. In natural light it appears to be a lighter shade and almost white and when I am in my car it tends to look a lot darker. It's kind of crazy to see! 

Advice For Growing Out Your Silver Strands

I am not an expert and very much still in the process of embracing this journey, but I know that watching other people take on this process was really encouraging to me. If you are looking for some advice on how to approach the first steps of growing out your natural hair, here is what I would recommend.

Get your people

I have a handful of friends that I shared I would be starting the grow-out process with because I knew they would be such a great support. I have so many amazing friends that immediately got excited for me and were encouraging, and they are the same people I got to when I am starting to struggle with the process. 

Look at Pictures of Other Women Embracing their natural hair

If you don't have those people in real life, I strongly encourage you to find some online fellow silver sisters. Hop on instagram or pinterest and you will see a lot of women sharing their similar journeys! It really helps knowing that you are not alone in this, and their are other people (literally thousands of them) going through the same thing. And I promise that you will find women in a similar life season as you-- whether you are in your 60's, or like me in your late 20's. 

Find what makes you confident

At this current stage in the veryyyy gradual transition 😅, i am not super confident in my hair. ​But I have noticed that small changes in my routine can help me to foster confidence in other areas. FOr me, eating well and moving my body immediately make me feel better. Another thing that always shifts my feelings into gratitude is spending time in nature. 

Take care of your hair follicles

During your gray hair transition, you may notice a change in texture and feel of your hair. Part of this is because many of those dye products help to smooth out your texture. So when you are avoiding dye, it can make your hair feel more dry and brittle. I have found that a deep conditioner helps to make my hair so much more manageable and soft!

I also think that what we care for we love. Getting into the routine of caring for my scalp and hair health has really trained me to see the beauty in honoring my natural hair. 

Find a supportive hair stylist 

If you choose to continue going to the hair salon during your grow out process, or gray blending, I strongly recommend finding a supportive hair stylist. Thankfully this has not been my experience, but I have heard many women feel pressured into dying their hair again. If you aren't sure, I would reach out to them before you schedule an appointment and ask about their experience working with clients embracing their natural color.  

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This post is for me to process this journey as much as it is to help encourage you on your own. If you are further along in this process, I would love to hear form you! What is helping you to embrace your gray hairs? What are some of your fave gray hair products? You girl needs all the help she can get 😅

Kaelyn

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